Why I Love Women … or the Anatomy of a Relationship (in 700 Words or Less)

Kevin M. Briscoe
April 8, 2012
Filed under How I See It

What better way to debut my new “As I See It” column than with an open love letter to the fairer sex?

The Beginning
I love women and all their variations in shape, size, skin hue, station in life, sexual orientation or political persuasion. Indeed, it’s very easy to find something physically attractive on the modern-day Eve: her smile, her sexy haircut or even the way she fits into that knock-off Balenciaga gown.  When she walks into a room, she takes my breath away.

That’s not to say that every woman will raise my pheromones and compel me to into a lustful frenzy. While physical attraction is dependent upon many things, including my personal taste, I must confess that outward beauty is what initially drives me toward engaging a woman.  I really can’t tell how smart you are from across the room; I’m really just fixated on the way that gown contours your beautiful tall/thin/short/plus-sized body. And, as I close the distance between us, praying the inside beauty matches the outside, I’m also contemplating the odds of rejection.  Will my witty banter and recall of banal facts and trivia leave you unimpressed? Is the across-the-room eye contact for real or are you just near-sighted?

The Middle
For the sake of discussion, let’s say that the initial hellos evolve into a pleasant conversation and talk of future dates. This is where the negotiations begin. According to one lady friend, both parties are now interacting through their “representatives,” or alter egos that represent only the best of us. Over dinner and cocktails, we highlight our virtues (Me: “I’ll rub your feet every day.” You: “I’m not looking to get married anytime soon”), and do our damndest to make ourselves irresistible to one another. We both emphatically promise to maintain this level of honesty and open conversation from this day forward.

This is the point where the relationship might seem most fulfilling. You giddily chat up your girls about me, extolling my virtues as a combination of smarts and good looks. Meanwhile, in an attempt to keep my man-card, I’m a little more circumspect around my boys about my new lady, but they know my nose is wide open. While we both think we’re on cloud nine, the real relationship—the stage that makes me reconsider my current aversion to another marriage—begins when we cast aside the “representatives,” allowing our warts-and-all true selves to emerge and concluding that our love is long-term.

As it turns out, I may only rub your feet under duress.  As one of the women in the 50+ age range that I tend to meet, you may be more anxious to get married than you let on. But, once we get to this point, the honesty and open dialogue we promised each other will yield tremendous benefits. We find now that it’s a multitude of mundane things that draws us nearer … when you walk around the house in my shirt from last night, subtly scented with my cologne, say to hell with your diet and get knee-deep into a plate of ribs or give me the “look” (not the one that signifies that my foot is firmly in my mouth; the one that says “You might get lucky tonight!).

The End
Some relationships end. Maybe my reluctance to rub your feet reveals a level of selfishness you find hard to endure; maybe your insistence on getting married when marriage was allegedly off the table indicates an emotional dishonesty that I can’t live with. Whatever the reasons, if we choose to go our separate ways, we must depart with a purpose-doing what we can to mend our broken hearts and maintaining our self-respect. Forget about being friends for now …it rarely works out that way in the near-term; focus on you.

I’ll focus on me … while remembering why I love women.